The Whispers of "Should Have" and the Balm of "I Did My Best"

Trauma, a shadowy puppeteer of the mind, delights in whispers. Its most potent spell? "I should have done things differently." Like a constricting serpent of regret, it coils around the heart, hissing temptations of alternate realities—perfect scenarios where pain never etched its mark, where scars remained unformed. It conjures vivid illusions of flawless choices, effortless grace, and lives untouched by suffering. How alluring those phantom possibilities appear! They gleam with the promise of a past unburdened, a present unstained.

Trauma, the master illusionist, forgets to mention a few crucial details. It conveniently omits the fog of confusion, the whirlwind of emotions, the sheer lack of information you possessed at the time. It airbrushes out the context, the pressures, the very real limitations of your younger, less-experienced self. It presents a polished, hindsight-fueled narrative, a cruel trick mirror reflecting an impossible standard.

And we, vulnerable and yearning for peace, often fall for it. We prostrate ourselves before the altar of "should have," whipping ourselves with the thorny branches of self-blame. We replay the scenes in our minds, agonizing over every perceived misstep, convinced that a different choice, a different word, a different anything would have rewritten our history.

But what if I told you there's another voice, a softer, wiser voice, waiting to be heard? It's the voice of Healing, and it speaks a different kind of magic.

Healing doesn't deny the pain. It doesn't erase the past. Instead, it offers a balm for the wounded spirit. It whispers, "Hindsight offers clarity, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time."

Imagine that for a moment. Really let it sink in. You, in that moment of chaos, confusion, or fear, acted with the limited knowledge and resources you possessed. You navigated the storm as best you could, even if the ship took on water, even if you veered off course. You were not perfect. You were human.

Healing understands that growth isn't linear. It's a messy, meandering path filled with stumbles and detours. It acknowledges that mistakes are not signs of failure, but rather opportunities for learning and growth. It recognizes that self-compassion isn't absolution for harmful actions, but rather the fertile ground where true transformation takes root.

"I deserve to be gentle with myself even when I make mistakes," Healing murmurs. This isn't about excusing harmful behavior. It's about acknowledging your humanity, your inherent worthiness, even in your imperfection. It's about offering yourself the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend who had stumbled and fallen.

The journey from "should have" to "I did my best" is not a sprint. It's a slow, deliberate dance, a weaving together of self-awareness, self-compassion, and radical acceptance. It requires courage to face the past, not with the harsh judgment of hindsight, but with the gentle understanding of a compassionate witness.

So, the next time Trauma's whispers begin to swirl, remember the magic of Healing's words. Breathe them in, let them permeate your being. You are worthy of gentleness. You are worthy of peace. You did the best you could. And that, my friend, is enough.

Embracing Imperfection-

Your Sister in Light,

Cristie Shoemaker 🫶✨